


Learning How to Love You While You Learn How to Lie

by MyNameIsLost



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Collage, Depression, Drugs, Everything Hurts, Friends to Lovers, I made myself sad, I'm Sorry, Illnesses, Injury, Lack of Communication, M/M, NO Swearing, Realization, Sharing a Bed, Substance Abuse, They/Them Goshiki, even though there are too many beds, lying, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29931984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyNameIsLost/pseuds/MyNameIsLost
Summary: Goshiki Tsutomu the child prodigy was supposed to be perfect, nothing could stop them except for one thing...
Relationships: Goshiki Tsutomu/Koganegawa Kanji
Comments: 3
Kudos: 5





	Learning How to Love You While You Learn How to Lie

**Author's Note:**

> So fun fact this was a very big and important project for my writing class but I changed the names. I'll update everybody when I get the score!

Goshiki Tsutomu, the child prodigy. The black haired, purple eyed prodigy. Top of the class, most talented player in every sport, the best in every single club. By the time they graduated they were expected to be the most successful person right outta highschool, go to a top college to become impeccable. Which was maybe true, they may have been able to get into the top university in the country, getting a full scholarship along with getting onto their volleyball team while still managing to stay on top of their schoolwork, everything was perfect…

Right? 

This is what they were supposed to do, right? 

They were successful, right? 

They were happy, right? 

The world was perfect, right? 

What was the point of thinking like this? There was nothing that could stop them from completing what they wanted to do. Well almost nothing, everything except injury. Of course one of the top players had to slam themselves into the floor, as they were rushed to the hospital things seemed to stop. A physical wall that they just had to wait to climb. The situation couldn’t have been worse, the trees were starting to sprout leaves again and the earth was thawing from winter going into spring, the end of the season. 

The nurse came in with a bandage in hand, “It’s nothing too serious,” She put on a slight grin, beginning to wrap their wrist taping it off, “Just take it easy for a week, I wouldn’t suggest going back to volleyball for two weeks,” She handed them a piece of paper, “Just some pain killers, take them as necessary. Unless you have any questions for me you’re free to go.” 

Goshiki jumped out of the seat, snatching the prescription, then going out into the hallway. Their mind filling up to the point where they could barely see straight, to the point where they didn’t even see the person he walked into. 

A taller man put his hound out, his hair was flat and blonde except for three black points coming out from the front of his head, “Sorry about that,” He apologized pulling Goshiki up, “Hey you look familiar, do you play for the university volleyball team?” 

“Yeah.” Goshiki began to rub their arm awkwardly. 

“That’s super cool! Well I’m Kanji Koganegawa, well actually my friends just call me Kogane, I hope we can be friends.” He put on an enormous smile, gong from ear to ear. 

Goshiki looked over at his arms, noticing writing filling them, “What’s on your hands?” 

Kogane looked down, seeming to forget what was on his arms, “Oh yeah, my memory’s pretty bad so I normally write things down in a notebook, but when I don’t have it when I need to write notes I do them on my arms.” Smile dropping into a look of confusion.

They glanced over, putting on a confused glare, “Interesting,” Goshiki sounded incredibly monotone, “Well if you wanted to hang out I have nothing better to do.”

The smile turned back on, “Ok let’s get going!” Kogane was almost jumping out of the building, starting to walk down the street, “By the way what’s your name?” 

Goshiki felt the pit in their stomach leave slightly, feeling lighter, “Goshiki Tsutomu. It’s pretty strange that we're going out and you didn’t even know my name.” 

“I mean I thought it was something similar to that,” Kogane looked over at Goshik slouching, slight smile under their breath, he fixed their shoulders, “You shouldn’t slouch so much.” 

“You're so positive,” The spiker began to stride with a straight posture, “If you don’t mind me asking why were you in the hospital?” 

Kogane looked up, putting a hand under his chin, “You know that’s something I should probably know.” 

Goshiki let out a small chuckle, “Your memory is pretty bad if you can’t even imagine why you were there.” 

“And that’s why I take notes.” He pulled out a yellow notebook that had pens hanging from it. 

“Whatever works I suppose,” They left a small beam on their face. Kogane stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, “Uh is something wrong?” 

“Do you know where we’re going, we sort of just started walking.” Kogane pointed out, tapping his chin. 

“Huh I guess you’re right. Well where do you want to go? I’m pretty much free for the rest of the day so if you want to do something that takes a while we can.” 

“I don’t know, do you want some food?” 

Goshiki shrugged, “Fine with me.” 

They walked over to the first restaurant on the street, placing their orders. Goshiki sat staring off into space, Kogane just staring at him. 

Goshiki looked up not noticing that he was staring, “Is there something on my face or something?” They rubbed their hand across their face. 

Kogane bursted into laughter, “No I just think you’re an interesting person!”

Goshiki looked up slightly, “Huh strangest compliment I’ve ever been given, but I’ll take it,” They returned a smile, “So what kind of things do you like?” 

“Hmm well I used to do volleyball so I guess you could say that I like that, but I had to stop a while ago so I’m not really doing anything right now.” Kogane answered, almost jumping out of his seat. 

“Hm used to, is there any reason you quit?” 

“My coach kicked me out a few years ago, I really wish I remembered but I lost the page where I wrote it down.” Kogane started looking through the slightly beaten notebook. 

Goshiki raised their shoulders, “I guess it’s not that big of a deal.” They looked at him, noticing his smile shrinking, thinking that it would be better if they didn’t ask. 

“Hey are you mad?” Kogane let his smile shrink completely. Goshiki looked slightly shocked realizing that they were definitely glaring for the past minute. 

They started flailing their arms up in slight stress, throwing themself out of the seat, “I no uhm I,” Goshiki sat back down, “No sorry I didn’t realize I was glaring.” 

Kogane put his smile back on, “It’s fine, I say a lot of dumb thigns all the time.” 

Goshiki bursted into hysterical laughter, a feeling they haven’t felt in a while, their head fell onto the desk as they continued to lose their mind. They turned their head back up, “You’re a really strange dude you know that, right?” 

Kogane started laughing along, “That’s not the first time that someone’s told me that. I think you’re pretty interesting as well.” 

“I guess that’s true, I guess we’re just strange people.” Goshiki started to calm down, starting to breath, while still leaving a smile on. 

“That’s why we get along so well.” Before Kogane got a chance to finish he fell to the table sitting back up a minute later, “I think I forgot how to breathe there for a second.” 

Goshiki looked as if his heart sank, “Don’t do that! You scared me.” They scolded. 

“I guess my heart stops with you.” Kogane stretched his arms across the table, placing them right in front of Goshiki. 

Goshiki started to tap his hands, beginning to read what was on his hands, “3:30 April,” In pink, “Cranes,” In orange, “Moving van, Wednesday,” In copper. Then there was something huge at the top of his forearm, in giant, capitalized letters, all crafted with black, “Doctors, 10.” 

“You have a strange schedule.” Goshiki started to trace the marker on his arms. 

Kogane looked down at his hands, “I guess so, it makes sense to me though.” He started to tap the table, while Goshiki continued to trace his arms. 

“So why the cranes?” Goshiki grabbed his hands, interlocking them with his. 

“One of my friends asked me to make him origami cranes!” Kogane responded, taking out a tiny paper crane from his pocket. Goshiki grabbed it, taking a closer look at the mostly pink pattern, taking a closer look noticing that it was filled with tiny cherry blossoms. 

Goshiki started to shuffle through his own bag, pulling out a crane of their own, “Well if you need help with then I can help, I mean if you want some.” 

He took the folded paper from their hand, “That’s sick! After this if you’re available would you mind coming over and helping me make them?” 

Goshiki put on a smile under their breath, “Sure, I’m free.” 

Both of them got up, beginning to walk through the city. Both of them looking at the sights, “I don’t normally come down this side of town.” Goshiki mentioned, looking around the opposite side of where he normally was. 

“Really? Well I’m glad I got to show you something new.” Kogane kept his eyes on the tree at the end of the corner. 

Goshiki followed his eye lines, “What are you looking at?” They pondered slightly confused by the sights. 

“Just making sure I’m going the right way, it hasn’t happened in a while but I have walked in the wrong direction.” Kogane explained, finally looking down at Goshiki when they passed the corner. 

“Sure.” Goshiki stretched out the last part of the word, sounding incredibly confused and anxious. Both of them approached an apartment building, Kogane starting to run up the stairs on the side, “Ok I guess this is my life now.” They sighed slightly, following behind him. 

Kogane unlocked the door, holding it open for Goshiki to enter. Once they entered the apartment was practically empty, considering there were multiple doors it looked like a studio apartment. Having a kitchen that looked like it had approximately two plates and two forks along with a book inside the glass cabinet. Looking over at the living room which was three stacked futons, a deep teal blanket, and a pile of assorted pillows, along with a television stand next to a bookshelf, mostly filled with comic books and manga along other nicknacks and a couple of actual books. 

“Sorry I know it’s not much but it works, for now.” Kogane lowered his head slightly, removing his shoes at the door. 

“It’s not that big of a deal, don’t worry.” Goshiki tried to reassure him. 

“Well before we start can I get you anything? Water or tea or something?” The blonde went into the kitchen grabbing two mugs from the cabinet. 

“Water, please.” Goshiki started to fiddle with their hands. 

The blonde took the mugs into the hallway, “Let’s go to the other room.” He started to walk down the hall opening the second door to the right.

The following room was much more filled. Containing a desktop with a lamp hanging off the desk, another bookshelf filled with a variety of Funko Pops mostly superheroes and anime. Turning to the other side of the room there was an open closet filled with a variety of carts, filled with everything from hot glue to card games to origami paper. 

Kogane pulled out a stack of paper from the cart, tossing it onto the floor, starting to fold a crane with a fully orange piece of paper. Goshiki went up next to him, grabbing a piece of paper folding it in the traditionally harder way. 

“Weird.” Kogane commented, never looking up from the paper. 

Goshiki glanced up, “Hm, what do you mean?” 

“You make the cranes differently than I do,” The blonde pointed out, “I mean I knew that there were different ways to make them but I thought that it makes more sense to others the way that I normally make them.”

“I guess you’re right, I mean everybody’s different so not everything is going to make sense to everybody, brains are weird,” Goshiki gave a slight sigh, “Sometimes I wish that people would just have the same brain, it would make much more sense if everyone thought the same way.” 

Kogane looked up, seeing Goshiki balancing the paper bird on their finger, holding it up to the sun. He copied, moving himself to sit in the same position as they were, dropping to the ground, “People are weird aren’t they?” Kogane sat back up, “But the world would be really, really boring if everyone was the same. Don’t you think?” 

“But sometimes people are too interesting. Have you never met someone who’s just really strange? Like someone who just makes no sense at all.” Goshiki fell onto the floor, staring up at the ceiling fan. 

“I don’t think so, most of the time I was the most interesting person in the room.” Kogane just started copying the blacked haired person. 

“Is there something wrong with that?” Goshiki’s eyes looked as if they got drained from life. 

Kogane looked confused, blowing a long whistle, “What do you mean?” 

“I mean is it ok to be weird? Is it ok to be the strange one in the world?” Goshiki rolled to their side towards Kogane, “I’m sorry that was a weird question.” 

The blonde turned to face them, giving another smile, “It’s not a weird question at all! And for the most part I think it’s fine, I mean maybe it’s because I stopped caring what people were thinking of me.”

“How can it not matter? The way people see you is how they will see you in all the ways.” Goshiki looked frantitic. 

“That’s a really strange statement,” Kogane tapped their nose, “I mean when we met it was a pretty strange interaction, and I really hope that you don’t think that I’m a freak alien thing.” 

Goshiki chuckled, “I mean I hope you’re not and that with you touching my nose you’re secretly sucking my brains out.” 

Kogane tried to hold his laugh in slightly, “Wow look at that Mr.Perfect made a joke.” 

Goshiki jokingly punched Kogane’s shoulder, “Maybe I do think you’re a weird alien freak,” The blonde closed his eyes, “Please you can’t use the same trick on me twice.” 

Kogane sat up, “Aw, I really thought that was the first time I did that,” He shrugged, “Oh well I guess I forgot.” 

“O-ok.” Goshiki stuttered, opening their mouth slightly, confused on how he couldn’t remember that considering it was less than an hour ago. 

“So do you have a favorite color?” Kogane complearly turned the conversation around. 

They looked concerned, “Was he intentionally changing the subject or did he just forget again?” Goshiki pondered to themself, “Um, well I like purple,” They responded, “So what about you?” 

“Hmm maybe teal, it’s a nice color.” Kogane answered, putting a deep teal paper frog. 

Goshiki looked around the room, “Where are you getting these from?” The blonde didn’t answer, instead he just laughed, “No but seriously are they hidden in the floor or something? I don’t think they’re coming from your pockets.” 

“They’re pretty much just everywhere, it’s good for when you need an analogy.” Kogane pointed to the desk which was riddled with a variety of different colored origami creatures and shapes. 

Goshiki made another, more detailed glance around the room, “You know it’s not a normal thing to keep those things around everywhere, I mean I know that I have some things in my bag but this is seriously strange.” 

Kogane threw up something into the air, catching it with a hand, “Pick one, left or right?” 

“Um why?” Goshiki continued to investigate the area. 

“You’re too high strung, seriously dude you need to chill. Just pick one.” 

The volleyball player grabbed his left hand, “This one,” Kogane threw them back up, switching up which coin was in which hand. Goshiki looked absolutely shocked from the situation, “I-” They stuttered, “Why in the absolute world would you do that just to switch the hand?” 

“That’s the point. I’m giving you a lesson. You need to seriously chill, not everything needs a purpose you know. I know I called you Mr.Perfect earlier but that doesn’t mean you need to be perfect, no one is no matter how hard you try,” Kogane glared over at Goshiki for the first time. “I met you an hour ago and I can clearly tell you have issues, or at least something’s wrong in your noggin.” 

“I’m not perfect, and I’m not trying to be. I have high expectations for myself so that’s the only reason I work hard, which I guess in your mind translates into me being the perfect person.” Goshiki responded. 

Kogane gave a condescending smirk, “You mean other people have high expectations, I mean you can want to be the best but you’re trying way too hard. There were definitely high expectations on you, granted I don’t know who but my point still stands.” 

“How in the world do you know so much about psychology but can’t remember when you have a doctor's appointment.” Goshiki crossed his arms, turning their head slightly. 

“I really wish I remembered what happened at that appointment, probably talking about why I can’t remember what happened.” Kogane gave a blank stare. 

A loud ring came from Goshiki’s phone, they looked down, bolting up, “Sorry I have to go, have a good day.” They ran out, waving before leaving completely.

“Wait, before you go can I have your number?” Kogane stood up grabbing their arm. 

They pulled out an old receipt from their bag, scribbling on some numbers, “Here, text me letting me know it’s you so I can save your contact. I’m sorry I really have to go now.” Goshiki sprinted out of the room. 

Kogane waved at the leaving figure, “See you later,” A devilish smirk appeared on his face, “Mr.Not-So-Perfect.”

By the time that their evening was done Goshiki was mentally, physically, and mentally. The only thing that they wanted to do was to fall into bed.

Upon entering they were greeted by the dark room and a soft feeling on their leg, Goshki turned on the lights, picking up the small dog cuddling his legs, “Hey Calypso how was your day?” They sat on the floor, petting the grey Swedish Vallhund. 

The dog gave a loud bark, jumping into Goshiki’s arms. They went to feed the dog food, letting her eat. They went to the shower, continuing to process the day that just happened. Once they finished showering the bed somehow never looked more comfortable, Calypso cuddled up to them, as the TV played The Office for the eight time as they immediately knocked out. 

The morning sun approached, laying right onto Goshiki’s face, causing the tiny dog to become a siren alerting Hawaii about the Bombing of Pearl Harbor. They turned around, taking the pillow, covering their ears as Calypso continued to bark a storm, “You know for being a five pound dog you’re really loud.” They complained rolling out of bed, beginning to get dressed. Brushing their teeth, getting out of their pajamas, feeding the dog, feeding themselves. 

After cleaning the room, they grabbed the dog, putting it on a green leash as they both went out for a nice early morning run. Getting back to the house, both of them slightly exhausted. Goshiki picked up their dog, stroking it gently, “For having such short legs you run pretty fast Calypso,” They stood up grabbing a banana and a dog treat, “Do you actually like the dog treats? I mean they can’t taste good, but you do you I guess,” They stood for a second realizing that they were talking to a dog, without the capability to talk, “I really should get a roommate or something, or just friends,” The dog barked, “Ok I get it you’re my best friend, that’s not the point,” The dog gave another bark, “Listen I get it I don’t have that many friends,” 

Goshiki got off the floor, going into the shower. Getting out revealing a multitude of notifications from their phone, taking a closer look at the mobile device they noticed a wall of signals blocking the home screen, upon unlocking the phone they noticed that they were all from the same app Messages. All of them from an unknown number, “Strange.” They thought to themselves opening the texts. 

“Hey Goshiki.” The message lit up in green. 

“Sorry that was sudden.” A new line was added. 

“Anyways this is Kogane.” 

“Get back to me when you have time.” 

A minute passed before the next line appeared, “You told me to let you know that it was me.” 

“I hope you save my contact.” 

“I’m being annoying aren’t I?” 

“Well that’s it I hope to see you another time.” 

Each and every sentence was on a new line of text, all of them on the left side of the screen. Goshiki saved the contact, “Kanji Koganegawa.” They imputed, looking back down to respond. 

“Hey sorry I took a while to respond, I was in the shower.” Goshiki replied, throwing the phone onto the bed.

A loud ring came to the phone again, “It’s ok! By any chance can we meet up again today?” Goshiki could practically see Kogane’s big dumb smile through the phone. 

“Sure I don’t have plans today. What do you want to do? I don’t have any plans, unlike yesterday.” Goshiki started throwing on a cropped black hoodie along with black sweatpants, pulling their bangs back with blue hair pins.

The phone lit up again, “Do you wanna go see a movie?” Kogane asked.  
“Sure that’s fine, I’ll get tickets and meet you at your place in twenty?” Goshiki confirmed their plans. 

“Can’t wait!” Kogane replied. 

Goshiki ran into their car, slamming any lightswitches that were on off, grabbing their keys, throwing themselves into the vehicle, making the long drive. “Why does he have to live so far away?” They complained to themselves, beginning to bolt off to Kogane’s apartment. 

Goshiki parked outside his home, running up the stairs, to the door, pounding on the wood. 

They saw Kogane’s big smile again, making Goshiki feel lighter inside, “It’s nice to see you again. Hey why are you so out of breath?” 

“Sorry I’m late.” Goshiki apologized. 

Kogane put on a face of pure confusion, “You’re not late, what do you mean?” 

They took a moment to control their breathing, “I told you that I would’ve gotten here in twenty minuets, it’s been thirty I’m late.” 

“Oh did you I guess I missed that part, well it’s fine let’s get going.” Kogane put on a pair of Doc Martens revealing a pair of baggy jeans and a funky button up shirt that was half tucked in, having the other side out. 

Goshiki shrugged, walking down the stairs, Kogane entering the passenger side of the car while they started driving, “So how was your night?” Kogane stared into space for a while, “Hey is something wrong?” 

Kogane shook his head, “I slept really well. What about you?” He responded. 

Goshiki kept a normal face secretly glaring under the content face, “I knocked out when I got home, slept like a log.” 

Kogane continued to stare, “Can you say the last part again? Sorry I didn’t hear you.” 

“I slept like a log.” Goshiki repeated, going slower than the last time. 

Kogane turned away from the sky, grinning towards Goshiki, “Thanks! Well it’s good to hear you slept well.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” They reassured, Goshiki stopping at the light, “Do you know which way to turn? I live on the other side of town.” 

“I think it’s a left from here.” Kogane sounded very unsure. 

“I’ll just map it,” Goshiki pulled out their phone handing it to the blonde, “Here just look up the theatre.” 

Kogane looked up the cinema, plugging the phone into the car, allowing Siri to tell Goshiki where to go. “You're a pretty good driver.” He tried to make conversation. 

Goshiki began to twist his hands around the wheel, making a left, “Thanks, I normally despise driving though, but it’s fine over here I guess.” 

“Why don’t you like driving?” Kogane pondered. 

“Well I mean I’ll do it but normally traffic is insane so it’s a pain to go anywhere. In full honesty it’s just easier to walk,” Goshiki explained, “But it’s not as bad over here so I don’t mind.” 

Kogane looked at the almost empty road, “I guess you need to take me to your side of town sometime.” 

“I guess I will. You let me into your place the other day, why don’t you come over to mine?” Goshiki plastered on a smile. 

Kogane chuckled, “Ok, I can’t wait to see where you live!” 

Goshik returned the laugh, “Yeah, I’ll warn you though it’s not that interesting, but if you want to see it I guess I can’t stop you.” 

“There’s no stopping me.” Kogane gave himself a thumbs up, directing it towards themself. 

“I guess there isn’t,” Goshiki leaned over the steering wheel, “I one time had a coach tell me that the only one stopping us is ourselves, and clearly you’re not stopping yourself,” They parked in the mall parking lot, grabbing Kogane to go into the theatre, “Well let’s go.” 

Both of them went into the cinema, Goshiki buying popcorn and a large Coke, handing the popcorn to Kogane as they went into the actual movie room. The cinema was surprisingly empty, not having more than ten people in total. They went to go sit in the second to top row seats, sitting at the edge of the row. The movie began, but maybe that wasn’t the best thing.

A horror movie ensued, once the falling action was happening Goshiki was practically inside of Kogane’s side, while the blonde ended up dropping the half empty bin of popcorn onto the floor, along with the drink. 

Once the credits rolled Goshiki sprung out of the seat, dragging Kogane out of the theatre. “Were we going to a horror movie? I hate them.” They started to shake. 

Kogane rubbed their head, “I didn’t know you were so grossed out by horror movies.”

“You’re the one who dropped the food.” Goshiki pointed out. 

Kogane gave an awkward smile, as he began to rub the back of his head, “Yeah sorry about that, I guess I just lost my grip.” 

“I don’t care that you dropped them, I’m more concerned I’m not going to be able to sleep for the next two weeks,” Goshiki made a face of disgust, “I really don’t understand how people can willingly watch those things, I always feel like there are bugs swarming my body after leaving one of them.” 

“That’s the weirdest analogy I’ve heard in a while.” Kogane looked over at Goshiki. 

“Well that’s the analogy you're getting for the day so you’re living with it,” Goshiki complained, “While we’re in the mall do you want to go anywhere?” 

Kogane thought for a moment, leaving both of them in awkward silence, “I don’t need to go anywhere. Do you?” 

“No, I don’t need anything right now,” Goshiki responded. “Well we can just go over to my place.” 

They threw themselves into the car, Goshiki continuing to drive, now in the opposite direction of where they started. Kogane sat in silence as he felt the worst road rage he has ever seen, if their aurora was visible it would’ve been black. 

Goshiki parked the car, turning towards Kogane, giving a slight chuckle, “Sorry that you had to see that, I told you I didn’t like driving over here.” 

Kogane sat and stared for a second shocked from the sights, “For looking like such a soft person you can be pretty scary.” 

Goshiki scoffed, raising their shoulders, “I don’t look soft, if anything you look soft.” 

They started to turn their head, until their cheeks were cupped by Kogane’s hands, “I think you're pretty soft, your cheeks are very squishy.” He continued to squeeze their cheeks.

They pushed away Kogane’s hands, “You’re so weird geez.” Goshiki rolled their eyes. 

Kogane went from a serene look to bursting laughter, “Sorry I forget that societal norms are really strange.”

Goshiki glared, “What do you mean?” 

“In reality of things we could all be running around with pancakes on our heads with pants as shirts.” Kogane pointed out.

“And my analogies are weird,” Goshiki scoffed, “I guess that makes some amount of sense. Let’s just go in.” 

Goshiki got out and opened the other side of the car. Showing him to the front door of his place. Initially being greeted by Calypso, rubbing up to Kogane instead of her owner. 

They slammed the lights on, as the blonde went to sit on the floor petting the canine. “Who’s this Goshiki?” Kogane looked up from the dog. 

Goshiki picked up the tiny Swedish Vallhund, “This is Calypso.” They handed it over to Kogane as she tried to run up to his shoulder.

“Doesn’t Calypso mean to hide or conceal?” Kogane watched the grey dog continuing to climb.

“Yup, when I first got her she constantly tried to hide from me. Under the couch, chair, anything she could fit under.” Goshiki took back the animal, putting it back down on the ground. 

Kogane looked around at the way better decorated living room. Having an actual couch and loveseat, along with a T.V. stand with some plants and books, the room having a very neat and consistent aesthetic. Along with a dining room and kitchen following the same design. All of the main furniture pieces are white, along with gold, green from a variety of succulents and other leafy plants, and gold metallics. 

“This place is nicer than my life ever will be.” Kogane commented still surprised from the delicacy in the decor. 

Goshiki looked around the room, “I don’t decorate, it’s just a set that I found at a home store, plus most of those plants are fake. I've killed many.” 

“Who would’ve thought that it would be a good idea to have plants they’re too easy to break and kill.” Kogane started feeling one of the plastic hanging plants. 

Goshiki looked incredibly shocked, “Wait you’re right, why did anybody think that these were a good idea?” 

“See society norms are weird.” Kogane brought up his previous point.  
Goshiki crossed their arms, “I hate that you’re always right. Anyways do you want anything? Tea, water, snacks, coffee, juice, anything.” They went looking through their panty. 

Kogane shook his head, “I’m ok for right now.” 

Goshiki got themself a water bottle as they went down the hall, “Well we can go to my room for the time being.” 

He strouted up, following them into the end of the hall, approaching Goshiki’s bedroom. Most of the room was a humongous bed, filled with pillows and plushies. Besides the bed there was a dresser with another television mounted onto the wall, above a dresser the top filled with tiny random knick knacks. At the other side of the room there was another door, presumingly leading to a bathroom. Instead of a nightstand there was an L shaped desk with a tablet and a PC with a rainbow keyboard, at the other side a bookshelf. The bedroom felt very different from the living area, the furniture was notably darker, still having white furniture but there were LED lights set on purple along with a galaxy projector on the desk. 

“Well it’s nice in here.” Kogane complimented. 

Goshiki handed him the light controller, “You can change the color if you like,” Kogane spun his finger around the dial watching as the colors changed in a rainbow cycle, ultimately leaving it on white, “The bathroom is down there.” They pointed to the door.

“Thanks. Can I ask you a question?” Kogane started at Goshiki slightly.  
“Sure.” Goshiki agreed. 

“Is your bed big or is everything else small?” Kogane pointed at the bed which was not in proportion with the rest of the room. 

Goshiki looked over at it, “I don’t think it’s that big. Is it unproportionate?”  
“It really is. Did you always sleep on this bed?” Kogane jumped onto the bed, for once the six foot blonde could actually fit. 

Goshiki slid open a door, revealing a twin bed hidden inside, “I used to sleep in there, I used to live here with my family but they moved so I got to stay here.” 

“So if people moved out then does that mean people moved in, like do you have a roommate or something?” Kogane questioned. 

“I live by myself, I've looked into roommates but I’m really picky about it plus I can afford this place on my own so it’s not like I need one.” Goshiki responded. 

“We live on our own for very different reasons then.” Kogane commented. 

Goshiki looked over, “What do you mean?” 

“Well I live on my own mostly just because people don’t want to live with me, well I mean that’s what I’m assuming whenever someone moves in they end up moving out in a month. Which is really annoying. I have an empty room for nothing.” Kogane complained, continuing to lie on the bed. 

Goshiki listened, walking around the room cleaning up, “Oh well who needs people anyways?” They fell into the chair spinning around in it. 

Kogane snickered, “Look at that you’re right for once.” 

Goshiki grabbed something off of their desk, chucking it at him, “Screw you. Whatever I now have the validation of being correct over you.” 

“What is it now? One to seven.” Kogane held up both of his hands, putting up all of them except for his left ring and middle finger. 

Goshiki grabbed something else off the desk chucking it at Kogane once again, “I’ve had a really good time with you here, I’ve never had more of a use for the things on my desk.” 

“What are you even throwing at me, how can there be so much stuff to throw on your desk?” Kogane complained, picking up the things on the bed.

They whistled, “Whatever’s on my desk, which is pretty much everything,” Goshiki scanned the cluttered desk, “Normally my room is pretty organized but my desk is the one exception in my life.” 

Kogane stood up, putting the things that Goshiki threw at him back onto the desk, “For saying that your desk is a mess it’s more organized than my life.” 

“I just want to finish my degree and then I’ll organize this.” Goshiki commented, falling back in the swivel chair. 

“What are you studying anyways?” Kogane glanced at the computer screen. 

Goshiki threw up jazz hands, “Psychology.” 

“Good luck with that.” Kogane gave a long whistle. 

They slammed their head onto the table in front of them, “Tell me about it,” Goshiki looked up at the computer, “Well if you want the remote it’s on the wall, I’m almost done.” 

“Sure!” Kogane saw a tiny black remote mounted to the wall in a small cup. He put on Parks and Recreation as Goshiki sped typed something on their computer, taking a few seconds to just straight up stare at the screen. 

Around two and a half episodes of Parks and Rec Goshiki left their head on the desk slamming the return button. Kogane looked at them, slightly more drained than before, “Finished?” 

Goshiki put up a slight thumbs up, spinning around in the chair to face the television, “Parks and Recreation?” 

“Yeah, I started re-watching it recently. Have you watched it?” Kogane gleaned over at Goshiki, seeming to forget how to blink, until his eyelids drooped down. 

They seemed intimidated from the stares, until noticing his eyes fall, “I’ve watched a little,” Goshiki started to explain, “But personally for me I prefer The Office.”

“I need to watch it. By any chance is it good?” Kogane suddenly dropped the look of intimidation turning it into a look of wonder. 

They were at a lot of words, “Um yeah it’s funny.” Goshiki struggled through most of their words.

Kogane started making fish lips, puckering them every second or so, “I’ve heard that it is. Maybe we can watch it together.” 

Goshiki nodded almost scared for their life, “Yeah sure.” 

“Well what do you want to do now that you’re done” Kogane continued to stare deeply into Goshiki. 

“Whatever you want I don’t need to do anything.” Goshiki responded. 

Kogane stared back into space, “Want to go to the arcade?” 

Goshiki nodded, grabbing their keys, “Let’s go.” 

Both of them threw themselves into the car. Kogane being the one to drive, being significantly bumpier compared to Goshiki. The volleyball player shoved forty bucks into the machine as they both let loose. 

By the time they got back to Goshiki’s place they both were in hysterics, they fell onto the couch as Kogane went to sit on the chair to the side. 

“That was fun.” Kogane chuckled, kicking his feet in the chair.

Goshiki followed, opening up showing a smile from ear to ear, “Yeah, we should do it again. You sorta sucked at most of those games.” 

The blonde grabbed the throw pillow that sat behind him, throwing it at Goshiki, “I think that’s the first time I’ve seen you smile so wide, or maybe that’s the first time I’ve ever seen you smile. Taking part after me I see.” Kogane put up another grin. 

Goshiki grabbed something else off their couch, chucking it at full force, “Yeah, yeah look at how amazing you are. Now put my decorative pillow back.” 

“You didn’t need to throw it so hard, you jerk,” Kogane grabbed the pillow putting it on his lap, “What’s even the point of decorative pillows? I never understood them.” 

They shrugged, “That’s a good question though, but like you said societal norms are weird.” Goshiki mentioned what Kogane said before. 

Before the blonde could respond a loud crash came from the front door, “What was that?” Kogane frantically looked around frantically. 

Goshiki stood up, taking a look at the door, slamming it until it was fully closed. They wandered back into the living room seeing a very distressed Kogane, “It looks like a storm settled in, I knew the broadcast announced one but I didn’t expect it to settle in so quickly,” They explained sitting back down, “Would you mind staying here? I would take you back to your place but I have concerns for the car flying away with the wind. I’m sure I have some clothes that can fit you and I can take you back to your place when the storm rolls over.” 

Kogane nodded, “Sure I don’t mind, I’m not too fond of rain or really just weather in general.” He stuck out his tongue at the thought. 

“I guess we all have our strange phobias. It was getting late anyways,” Goshiki looked outside seeing a lack of sunlight, “Plus you’re sometimes fun to have around.”  
The blonde beamed, “I noticed you hurt your hand, I’m assuming that’s why we met in the hospital a few days ago. So would you mind if we hung out until your hand got better?”

Goshiki overtly hid their hand behind their back, “Ha sure I wouldn’t mind some company, maybe we can finish Parks and Rec plus I thought I’d be pretty bored, but when you enter a room it’s like you light up the room.” They leaned back, sitting upside down, facing Kogane. 

Kogane copied sitting upside down in the chair, “I don’t really see the point in doing this, but whatever rides your tide.” 

They simultaneously sat back up to a normal position, “Well do you want to go and shower? I can make dinner.” Goshiki stood up, Kogane followed shortly. 

“Sure, can you just show me how to work your shower, and give me clothes?” Kogane stood in awkward silence for a moment. 

Goshiki stood for a second as well, “Ok I guess you have a fair point.” They went into the shower turning it on, then going into one of the spare rooms grabbing a black t-shirt along with sweatpants.  
Goshiki handed Kogane the pile of clothes, “Thank you.” 

“Don’t worry. What do you want for dinner?” They pondered looking towards the blonde. 

“Whatever, I’m not picky.” Kogane said as he waved, heading into the bathroom.

Goshiki also waved, as they entered the kitchen, beginning to boil pasta and throw just about everything from his pantry and fridge into a pot. By the time that Kogane came out they revealed a plate of penne with a mysterious green sauce. 

“Pesto?” Kogane questioned, slightly confused from the dish. 

Goshiki nodded, “It’s spinach, this is what I like to call whatever was in my fridge his week,” They sighed looking at the plate, “I’m normally pretty good at doing things relating to my house but I suck at grocery shopping and by the end of the week I end up with a mish mash of food.” 

“Well it has pasta so it can’t be atrocious.” Kogane took the fork, as he began to poke it.  
Goshiki grabbed their plate along with a drink, “Let’s go eat in the dining room.” Kogane followed behind them. They both took their seats, having a silent meal.

At the end of the silence, Goshiki took the plates and threw them into the sink. They headed back into the dinning area, “Do you want to go watch something, or we can play something?” 

“Sure, you can pick, I don’t mind.” 

Goshiki stood up, heading into his room as Kogane followed once again as they traveled into the bedroom as both of them bounced onto the bed. The time finally happened they turned on Parks and Rec and they finally watched the show. 

The next thing that happened in Goshiki’s memory was the sun gracing their face, then the rays hitting their face at full force while the blinds flew open from the light breeze, “Ok I get it sun you can calm down I’m awake.” 

They tried to get out of the bedding, instead falling onto their face while getting caught in something. By the time they got off the floor, the blonde was laying on their bed. Goshiki jumped back, “What just happened?” They asked into the air as if someone was going to answer. 

The shower never seemed cleaner as Goshiki tried to wash away whatever just happened in the previous night. 

By the time that Kogane walked down, Goshiki was in the kitchen flipping something in a skillet, “Good morning.” The tall blonde said, still sounding half asleep.

Goshiki jumped back, giving an almost impossibly awkward chuckle, “Haha good morning to you too. Did you sleep well?” 

“Yeah I slept fine. What about you.” Kogane responded, continuing to stretch. 

“Um yes,” They turned to the side, hiding their face, “Sorry, yes I slept very well.” 

Before Goshiki knew what was happening a hand graced their face, turning their head around, as they came face to face with the blonde, “Did something happen? You seem abnormally jumpy this morning.”

They pushed him away, bullets began to sweat down their face, the blood rushing towards their cheeks, “I’m fine, let’s eat.” Goshiki held up a plate, shoving it into Kogane’s hands.

Another silent meal ensued, until the end of it was approaching, “So what’s really wrong?” The blonde questioned, staring at them. 

“I just um you know it’s just that um.” Goshiki took a breath, “It’s nothing, just if you’re staying here which I don’t mind, could you sleep in one of the spare rooms? There are several.” 

“Hm sure it’s your place I’ll do what you want.” 

“Thanks.” They both put down their forks, as Kogane grabbed their plate and his.

He gave a beam, “I don’t mind taking these.” Kogane took the plates. 

Leaving them astray slamming their head on the table, letting their heart drop into the pits of the stomach. Until a loud clash came from the kitchen. Goshiki sprouted out of their seat, running into the room, “What happened?”

Kogane was on the ground, picking up pieces of shattered plate, “Sorry I slipped and dropped the plates.” 

They joined him, beginning to scoop up the pieces of ceramic, “It’s fine, let me get a broom, someone’s going to get cut on these.” 

Both of them stood up as Goshiki ran off grabbing the broom and dustpan from the closet. Coming back to an incredibly distressed Kogane, “Really it’s fine, there are more plates. There won’t be a shortage of ceramic anytime soon,” They held up the dust pan, “Here if you feel so bad about it you can help me clean it.” 

Kogane took it, “I guess that’ll pay for it.” 

A pile of broken pottery later and a couple of small cuts, the floor was at least safe to walk on, “Well do you want to get some more plates?” Goshiki looked towards him. 

Kogane nodded, “Let’s get going.” 

One quick ride to Ikea, plus a couple of distractions later there were new plates in Goshiki’s home, along with a few other completely necessary things the day continued with lunch as Parks and Rec continued its run for the rest of the day. The sun slowly set onto the other side of the hemisphere Kogane felt himself dozing off every once in a while. 

“Well goodnight. Where do you want me to sleep?” Kogane stood up from the couch, dumping his half eaten sandwich from lunch into the garbage as he stood in the hallway, waiting for a response. 

Goshiki turned off the television, “Um third door to the left.” They watched him walk into the other room. Something that was just supposed to be normal was something that felt much more, something that they couldn’t necessarily describe, but something that felt oddly good. 

The next couple of weeks felt like heaven, or at least the best things that Goshiki Tsutomu the child prodigy had felt in a while. The stress of life had suddenly disappeared, nothing could’ve stopped them from enjoying the weeks that passed. Not university, the worries of failing their teammates, nobody else's opinion. Nothing besides a few dropped and broken things thanks to the courtesy of Kogane, but everything else was almost perfect. 

Every single moment with him was perfect. 

Right? 

The plates didn’t matter, right?

All of the things that he tripped over didn’t matter, right? 

Everything that he forgot didn’t matter, right?

Nothing mattered anymore all that mattered is that Goshiki was happy they were happy with him, that was the only thing that mattered was that nothing hurt anymore, the former pain was replaced with him, only him, the only one to bring him any amount of enjoyment. 

Someone who was truly insatiable, a gluttony for him, a true addiction.

Kogane woke up to another morning meal, having a note under the plate, “Sorry I had to leave early, I’ll see you later. Have a good meal -Goshiki.” The blonde muttered to himself, watching the pen almost perfectly glided with the paper. 

Noon approached as Kogane placed himself on a seat, waiting for the other to come back to their living residence. 

About an hour passed when the door was opened then slammed, “Where’d you go?” Kogane looked up at them. 

Goshiki placed his bag on the ground, putting his hands up, “Doctors.”

“All good?” 

They nodded, “Finally,” Goshiki responded, moving to the couch next to where he was sitting, “I didn’t want to wake you so I just left, sorry about that.”

Kogane held up the note that they left, as it sat in their shaky hands, “Don’t worry I got your note. Your penmanship is really nice.” 

“Thanks.” Goshiki glared at his shaking hands, watching as the paper moved with it. 

“You sound quite,” He stopped for a minute, seeming to think, “Hm blank.” 

“Monotone?” 

Kogane continued to stare into the nothing, “Ooh that’s the word.” 

“Sure,” Goshiki watched as Kogane just watched the sky, “What are you looking at?” They pondered looking up at the same thing. 

“Hm, nothing what do you mean?” The blonde went from the air to them. Goshiki frantically looked around the room, “What are you looking for?” 

“Whatever you are, I don’t know.”  
Kogane shrugged, taking a look at the wall clock, as it ticked with time, “What day of the week is it?” 

They pulled out their phone, confirming the date, “It’s a Tuesday. Why do you ask?” 

He immediately sprinted up, “I need to go. I forgot it was Tuesday.” Kogane ran out of the house, leaving Goshiki star struck from what just happened. 

They quickly followed, running out in the first shoe at their doorstep, seeing his shoes left behind, “Where are you going?” They shouted, grabbing the blonde’s shoulder. Stopping both of them in their tracks, “At least wear shoes you moron,” Goshiki took a minute to breathe, “Do you need me to drive you anywhere? I will.” 

Kogane didn’t speak a word, there was no body language from him, nothing, just a blank stare. He just grabbed the shoes as he continued to run. Not stopping, completely ignoring Goshiki’s pleas. 

The rest of the day was filled with confusion and paranoia. Every hour, on the dot they called him, that was the only thing that mattered in their brain. Still with all the attempts nothing, absolutely nothing from Koganegawa. 

For the following week nothing, absolutely nothing from him, like he disappeared from the face of the planet. But just because he was gone didn’t mean that they didn’t need him. For the first time since they met him Goshiki Tsutomu the child prodigy felt an unruly amount of pain. Physical? Mental? Emotional? It didn’t matter, everything only went downhill. Everything, every moment, every second, every breath, every second of existence was just nothing but misery. Things constantly hurt. Was there a way to make it stop? Was there anything to make them feel better? Nothing except for that one little thing. Just a tiny little thing. A puny little pill. What did it matter? Even if it was potentially killing them from the inside out, it made them feel better, what previously was replaced with him. The same feelings came from something smaller, and less physically destructive to his home. Even so he was the one to leave, the one to never answer, the one who betrayed them. Why did they even care so much anyways? He didn’t even matter, now. Nothing mattered. The world weakened around them, everything felt wrong, except for the one thing. The outside world was terrifying, everybody was horrifying, everything was intimidating. Everything was destroyed, the physical deterioration was beyond fixable. Relationships destroyed, school collapsing in on itself, the team abandoned by them. How could something so far gone be repaired? Nothing was in line, not even their own home. The former place of organization became a labyrinth of mess and disaster. 

The ringing in their head became louder, allowing their thoughts to submerge their head, their entire body. Things started feeling numb. Nothing more than themselves and their thoughts and the floor. That was the final thing. 

Almost.  
Sometimes the universe can be convenient. A ring came from their phone,  
“Hey Mr.Perfect.” 

Goshiki almost dropped their phone from the shock, “Hey where have you been? You disappeared on me for a week.” They responded. 

“I just wanted to check up on you, well goodbye.” 

“What do you mean goodbye?” They responded as quickly as their hands could type. 

A minute passed by without a response, “Hey what’s going on?” Time still passed without a response. 

They got off the hallway floor, rushing to grab the hoodie on the top drawer along with the first pair of actual pants they could find. Their car started up for the first time in a hot second, as they speeded over to Kogane’s home. They sprinted up the stairs once again, physically slamming the door open with their full force. Revealing a herd of people packing the minimal amount of furniture into boxes. 

“Who are you?” They heard a voice coming from around the corner, revealing a brown haired lanky man. 

“Where’s Kogane?” 

Somebody else who was stacking some boxes handed him a small piece of paper, revealing he was at the same hospital where they met along with a room number. 

Goshiki ran out back into his car, once again speeding off to Kogane. They sped past the reception area, bursting the door on the paper open. Hyperventilating as the blonde sat up from his bed to stare at them, this time being filled with a variety of tubes filling his wrist and face. 

“Yo.” The blonde put on a grin, waving.

They fell besides his bed, “Hey.” 

“You don’t look great, I left you for a week and you let your life fall apart.” Kogane glared at their run down state, as he ran his hand down their hair.

“Don’t worry about it.” They pushed his hand away. 

“How’d you know I was here?” Kogane pondered, as Goshiki handed him the piece of paper that the person gave them before. 

They went to pull a chair from the corner, sitting next to him, “Who were the people at your place?” 

He looked down at his hand, “They’re my old teammates who are helping pack my stuff up.” 

“Are you moving?” Goshiki looked down at his arms, seeing a bunch of hieroglyphic scribbles filling his limbs. 

“I don’t remember, sorry.” His smile drooped down. 

Goshiki turned his head up, putting it towards their face, “Don’t worry about it,” The blonde fell back into bed, laying his head down, slightly flinching, “Is something wrong?” 

“My head hurts.” Kogane turned around, covering his face with the pillow. 

“Do you want me to leave? I can come back later.” 

“Yeah, I’m gonna take a nap. I’ll call you when I wake up.” Kogane responded, closing his eyes.

“See you later.” Goshiki returned the wave, as they ran out of the room.  
Kogane turned, watching them leave, putting his smile back on, “I’m sorry, Tsutomu. I hope to see you another time maybe in another life, or maybe even tomorrow.” He messed with something on his phone, as the blonde closed his eyes smiling at the sky. 

Goshiki ran out of the room, dropping something into the trash as they got back into their car. Sitting smiling for a moment, leaning over the steering wheel, “From one addiction to another.” They drove off back to their home. 

Hours passed as their house went back into order, life went back into order just from the one occurrence from him. The paranoia set back in as the sun began to set and still nothing, like the week before. They turned to the couch walking the clock tick, until they impulsively just drove back. Going back into the hospital, which once felt very dark and dingy but now he was there. 

They ran up the stairs once again, seeing a bunch of nurses and doctors swarming around the room, until two people came out rolling out a bed. They could feel their heart fall into their feet, naturally assuming for the worst. Until a ring came from their phone. 

7:00 P.M. Kanji Koganegawa, “I’m assuming I left by now, sorry about that. I left something for you in my apartment, it should be under the futon if the others already packed it up then I told them to leave it on the floor.” 

They ran out back into their car for the second time that day. When they ran back in, the others had already left. Just as he said everything was empty except for a notebook on the floor just like he said. 

Goshiki sat on the floor, beginning to flip through the pages, seeing the notes that he took from before reminding him of what happened beforehand so he wouldn’t forget. They began to flip through the pages until falling onto a specific spread that looked like an actual letter, compared to the previous pages that were randomly filled in. 

“Hey Goshiki I had a really good time with you over the past two weeks thanks for having me over! I’m assuming that my elaborate plan worked and that I left the world, I know we only met a couple of weeks ago but I really appreciate every moment that we had together. I thought we’d just talk. I know I suddenly just left you but I didn’t want to hurt you more than I probably already did. But I just wanted to say I love you, every single thing about you, that thing you do when you get really awkward and throw up your hands, I love it when you randomly blush from the word things that I said that granted maybe didn’t make sense all the time. You took time to understand me and that’s hard so I love you for that. While I possess these feelings that I can’t deny there’s a part of me that regrets ever meeting you, the fact that I spent most of our time telling you falsehoods. So I thought I’d clear my lies other than the fact that I loved you but I may have forgotten to say, the day that we first met I was at that hospital because I have a brain tumor or I suppose had. There’s so many other things that I want to talk about but there really is no time for me to write a novel, just check out the second door.” 

Tears began to run down Goshiki’s face as they watched them fall onto the page, “I love you too.” They pulled in the notebook as he cried over the messy handwriting and repetitive words. They tried to pull themselves together, heading back into the other room. 

Walking in seeing a string connected from the door to the desk. Taking a closer look at it they found a purple crane on the desk, after picking it up they found another note with another string under it, “I know you like purple so I hope you like it, sorry it’s a little sloppy.” Goshiki took a closer look at the origami bird, noticing a lot of messy edges. They took the note and the bird as they gripped it close to their heart. 

They followed the sting into the closet finding another note with a broken piece of ceramic, “I guess I owe you a plate or two or twelve.” 

The last string followed into a box, upon opening it a necklace was revealed having a black steel ring, having a note under the box instead of under the box instead, “I hope you can keep me close to you, well I hope to talk again. I don’t know if you believe in reincarnation but maybe I’ll see you again,” Another heart shaped note was under it, “I love you.” 

Goshiki fell onto the floor holding everything close in his arms, sobbing over all of them. Falling back, staring up at the sky, feeling everything more in depth, pulling it into their chest, “I want to talk again, Koganegawa.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
